


Pursuit of Happiness

by MoonyBandit



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb-typical Trauma Levels, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Night Terrors, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Self-Harm, Squirting, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:47:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15396087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonyBandit/pseuds/MoonyBandit
Summary: Caleb Widogast is no stranger to nightmares. Mollymauk Tealeaf, on the other hand, is barely even acquainted with the things that haunt Caleb’s mind when he sleeps.





	Pursuit of Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta’d, <24hrs oneshot that I wrote out because, well... I guess I had some stuff to work through. Please don’t comment on spelling or grammar, I know the tense flies all over the place, I just had to bang this out.
> 
> Caleb is trans masculine in this fic and I use ‘’’femme’’’ coded words to refer to his genitals. This fic is not for you if that squicks you out.

Caleb Widogast is no stranger to nightmares. He lost count years ago of how many times he’s woken up in a blind terror, flames crackling down his arms to ball in his hands, his throat tight shut with fear as his heart thunders in his chest. Nott is no stranger to them either, usually swaddling him in a wool blanket to smother the fire as she holds his hands in a death grip until he comes back to her. He’s scorched many blankets in their time together, and it’s always the smell of the burning fibers that pulls him from his own mind, different from the acrid tang of burning wood and smoke filling his lungs.

Mollymauk Tealeaf, on the other hand, is barely even acquainted with Caleb’s noctournal horrors. The first time it happened, he’d tried in vain to shake Caleb out of it, gripping his shoulders and ending up with the sleeves of his shirt blackened and burnt with holes before Caleb finally came to with a choked sob. Caleb had apologized profusely, fearful that he had hurt Molly, but the tiefling only pulled him into a tight embrace and stroked his hair, reassuring him that he was alright. Caleb hadn’t been ready to talk about it then. It had taken almost the next full day before he spoke on it, and even then it was only because he was afraid of what might happen if the nightmares came back that night.

“I cannot predict it,” he’d said, staring down at his hands where they lay folded in his lap. “Some nights are not as bad, and I wake up before... _That_ happens. Other nights are only unpleasant and restless.”

“Do you have them every night?” The tiefling had asked then, and Caleb hesitated before nodding, not wanting any pity from his companion. “Is there anything that would help you sleep more soundly?”

That question had surprised Caleb, and it took him a moment to gather his thoughts enough to think of an answer. “... Pressure, sometimes. Physical weight. Something heavy on top of me, grounding me. Frumpkin lies on my chest sometimes, and those night are not so bad.”

Molly had nodded but not said anything, as though thinking something over. Caleb still couldn’t make eye contact with him.

“Nott, ah... Nott usually throws a blanket on me. To put out the fire so she doesn’t get hurt.”

Molly nodded again, but when he spoke, it was not about blankets or Frumpkin. “Caleb, would it be alright if I laid on top of you? Not with my whole body of course but— Maybe with my head on your chest? For some of that weight?”

Caleb had blinked, meeting curious red eyes then. “Oh.” Had been his only response at first. Sure, he and Molly had been sharing rooms at inns for a while now, had kept their bedrolls together outside, but they had rarely done anything more than a loose cuddle, one arm draped comfortable over the other, or sometimes even so far as spooning a little for warmth on cold night. He thought it over, then conceded. “I... Would not mind trying that, Mollymauk.”

That night, Mollymauk had fallen asleep to the sound of Caleb’s heartbeat under his ear, with an arm wrapped around the wizard’s stomach. Caleb slept soundly that night for the first time in over a week.

The second time that it happened, the night had been hot and humid and Caleb hadn’t even been able to stand anyone touching him, let alone having a hot-blooded Tiefling lay on top of him. They lay on opposite sides of the bed, Caleb down to his smallclothes while Molly slept in the nude, neither even using a sheet for how hot it was.

There were no wool blankets to be found when Caleb startled awake, clawing at the mattress with sparks skipping down his veins, his fingers blackened and crackling, and so Molly used what he could: Caleb’s heavy coat. He’d thrown it over Caleb’s arms and wrapped them tight, calling his name and speaking soft soothing words until the man’s vision cleared and he calmed down enough to let his palms cool down. It had still been too hot for hugs, and so when Caleb asked, Molly brought a cool wet towel to drape over his shoulders.

That night was one of the first times they had kissed in earnest, slow, with intent beyond quick pecks when no one was looking, with more control than the frantic clashing of lips and tongue and teeth when the adrenaline coursed through their veins. It was calm, gentle, and purposeful. Molly spoke more words in silence with his lips that night than he had in voice in the last month. And Caleb had responded, slowly at first, but with more and more trusting the longer Molly stayed there kneeling in front of him, holding the wizard’s hands in his own, rubbing circles on his palms with the pads of his thumbs.

They were closer, after that night. Caleb would lean on Molly for support, and Molly gave it every time without question.

And then there is the third time that it happens. They have been on the road for days in the heat of summer, stormclouds growing ever more ominous on the horizon, and when they finally break the party goes full throttle into finding shelter, reaching a tiny inn on the outskirts of a forgotten town as the rain pours down so hard they can scarcely hear themselves think. The inn is full up of the larger rooms, traveling families already riding out the storm together, and all that remains available are a trio of cramped single rooms and a small open cot space which the girls take for themselves.

Caleb is exhausted and soaked to the bone. Molly worries for him, but lets him go when Caleb says he is going to retire early. He watches the man retreat to his room before he turns to go to his own, across the hall and down two doors from the wizard’s. He prays over his swords and strips down to sleep, but finds himself restless and unable to do so. It’s been so long now since he’s slept alone, it feels achingly uncomfortable to be as such.

Molly does not know how long he has been tossing and turning in the tiny bed, listening to the rain drumming mutely on the thatched roof of the inn, when a strange sort of high-pitched wailing noise cuts through the din and has him sitting bolt upright. It’s not exactly loud, almost strangled in a way, as though whatever is making the sound does not want it to be heard but cannot hold it in. Molly doubts he would have heard it at all if not for his pointed ears.

The sound did not come from inside his room, and so Molly quickly throws on his shirt and stalks to his door to listen, picking up one of his swords as he goes. For a moment, there is nothing— but then it comes again, even higher in pitch this time, and it’s followed by a stuttering sound and a gasping of breath. It is coming from across the hall. It is coming from Caleb’s room.

Fearing the worst, Molly bolts out of his own room in a rush and throws open the door to Caleb’s, sword at the ready in case the man is being attacked—

There he sees his wizard, sitting naked at the edge of the bed, hunched over and heaving for breath. Tiny sobs and keening noises escape his throat, and in the dark his arms are alight, fire shooting from his fingertips as he claws at himself. Caleb is digging his fingernails so hard into the skin of his bicep, there are red welts left in his wake as he drags his hand down. His other hand is fisted into his hair, pulling, pulling, smoking dangerously.

The sword falls from Molly’s hand instantly and he is across the room in a heartbeat, crouched in front of Caleb. The man’s face is twisted in anguish, streaks of tears running down his face, and he cannot hear Molly calling his name. His coat is in a wet heap on the floor and there are no blankets and his hair is starting to burn and Molly does the only thing he can: He grabs Caleb by his wrists, squeezing hard on his pressure points to force him to let himself go, and presses the wizard’s smoldering hands to his own bare and scarred chest.

Mollymauk hisses at the sting of the flame but he does not let go, covering Caleb’s hands with his own. The fire cannot actually hurt him, but the raw magical energy fueling it sears across his skin unseen nonetheless. “Caleb, Caleb darling it’s me, I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I won’t let you go. You’re safe, Caleb, I’ve got you.”

The wizard does not respond but he doesn’t try to pull away either, and as his eyes refocus he breaks down into heaving sobs and curls in on himself. Molly feels the heat dissipate from Caleb’s hands and he relaxes his grip, sliding his hands back and up to wrap around Caleb’s shoulders and pull him into a tight hug. “Shh.... Shh darling, I’m here, it’s alright.” He murmurs into the wizard’s ear, and Caleb leans into his embrace as he cries openly.

They stay like this for quite some time, Molly wrapped protectively around Caleb as he cries into his coat, hands trapped between their forms, trembling when he no longer has tears left to shed. Molly still does not pull away until he feels Caleb starting to right himself, and even then he stays close, holding his wizard by the shoulders as he looks into his eyes. “Hey,” he says softly, studying Caleb’s face. “Are you here?”

Caleb nods in response to the question, still sniffling, his head hanging low to not meet the tiefling’s gaze. “Caleb, darling, can you look at me please?” the wizard shakes his head this time, and Molly felt his heart twinge with ache to see his companion in such a state. “Can I ask why?”

There was a minute of silence. “... You were there,” Caleb says, his voice barely even a whisper. “Burning.”

“Oh, Caleb...” Molly says softly, pain lancing through his chest. “I’m here, my love. I’m not burning. I’m here with you, and you’re safe. Do you feel that?” He squeezes Caleb’s shoulders gently as he asks the question. Caleb nods, and Molly lets out a steady breath. “I’m here. I’m real, I promise. Do you believe me?”

Caleb hesitates, then nods again, giving another small sniffle. Molly takes a breath. “Can I kiss you, love?”

Silence. No movement. Then, soft as the whisper of silk against skin, “... Ja.” Mollymauk gently lifts Caleb’s chin, and the ginger closes his eyes before they meet Molly’s, but the tiefling leans in nonetheless and presses his lips to Caleb’s in a slow, gentle motion. It takes Caleb some time to respond, but then he is carefully wrapping his arms around Molly’s chest, craving the closeness and contact. The tiefling obliges him and shifts his position so that he is half-crouching now, their chests pressed flush together as he cups Caleb’s jaw.

It was Caleb who first moved to deepen the kiss, his tongue darting out to swipe across Molly’s lips. The tiefling lets him in eagerly, sliding his hand back to thread his fingers into Caleb’s hair. His wizard moans softly in response, and Molly only pauses briefly in the kiss to take a breath and study his face again. “Are you sure this is what you want, darling?” He asks, careful, uncertain. Caleb was in a fragile state right now, and though he trusted him to know himself, he didn’t want the man to regret any choices made in haste.

Caleb, however, does not hesitate in his nodding this time. “Yes. Please, yes. I... You are alive. I want to feel you.” He said his voice soft and shakey but not lacking in conviction. He met Molly’s gaze for the first time then since the tiefling had come into his room, and Molly sucked in a breath of surprise to see the blooming of lust and need in his gaze.

“Alright, love, alright...” Molly nodded, one hand moving down to hold Caleb’s while the other stayed tangled in his hair. “And we can stop any time you want, alright? Just say so, or squeeze my hand three times if you can’t talk.” He made sure to hold Caleb’s gaze, wanting to be certain the wizard understood. The man didn’t break eye contact as he nodded, and so Molly pulled him in for another kiss.

Caleb was more eager this time, pressing, breathing heavily. Molly moved entirely at his wizard’s pace, opening his mouth for him when prompted, gripping his hair a bit more tightly when he hears how it makes Caleb gasp. The man whines and bites at Molly’s lip, causing the tiefling to groan softly in appreciation. He’s thankful that he’s still half kneeling on the floor, as he can feel his cock starting to harden between his legs.

It’s when Caleb’s hand moves to his chest, fingers brushing over Molly’s nipples, that the tiefling pauses again and pulls back, gasping for air. “Darling, I have absolutely no complaints about this, but— we’re well on track to pushing this uh, a bit further than we ever have before, and well— is that where you’re hoping this will go?”

Caleb does pause to catch his own breath then, before nodding decisively. “Ja, I... I do... just... mmh.” He trails off, trying to pick his words carefully. He furrows his brow and Molly doesn’t press, letting him take as much time as he needs. “I am... Different. Down there.” Caleb says finally, his eyes downcast again. “I did not want to surprise you, but it, ah...”

Molly soothed Caleb with a kiss to his forehead. “It’s alright, love. Take your time. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to— I don’t even have to touch there, if you’d like—?” Caleb shook his head quickly, cutting off Molly’s train of thought.

“No, no I, I want you to,” he said in a rush, squeezing Molly’s hand. “Just, be gentle, please? And ah... Go slowly. It has... Been a long time, for me, since I have been with another,” Caleb said softly, and even in the dim light Molly could see how his cheeks flushed pink. He nodded, reassuring, and pressed a chaste kiss to Caleb’s lips.

“Of course, love. Remember: Just three squeezes if you’re not comfortable.” The tiefling reminded him, brushing his thumb across Caleb’s knuckles. “May I see?” He asked, his tone gentle and curious, and Caleb nodded again after a moment’s hesitation, uncurling his posture and starting to open his legs just slightly. Molly let his hand fall from behind Caleb’s head and sank properly down to his knees, moving so that he now had his fingers laced with Caleb’s on both hands. He slid his palms to Caleb’s knees, and slowly pushed them apart.

Molly cooed as Caleb was exposed to him. His wizard’s cunt was wet and glistening with arrousal, his clit swollen and pink. Molly couldn’t stop himself from licking his lips in anticipation, looking up into Caleb’s blue eyes with an expression of pure admiration. The man was holding his breath, frightened, and Molly leans to rest his cheek on one of Caleb’s knees.

“Darling, you are so, _so_ beautiful.” He purrs, pressing a gentle kiss to the flesh of his thigh. Caleb shivers and bites his lip, flushed red as he looks down at Molly and squirms where he sits. “May I?” The tiefling hums and licks his lips again.

“P... please, Mollymauk.” Caleb whispers, pleading, and even though Molly can hear the tightness in his throat he knows Caleb is sincere. He didn’t need to be asked twice.

He kissed along Caleb’s thigh, all over it, working up and up towards his groin while placing little licks and bites along the way. He could hear every time Caleb’s breath caught in his chest, and the gasps turned to whines the higher he got. Molly’s face was mere inches from Caleb’s entrance now, and he exhaled a hot breath over it which caused the wizard to shiver... before he placed a kiss to his pubic bone and began to kiss his way back down the other thigh.

Caleb gives a needy whine, tightening his grip on Molly’s hands. “M-mollymauk, please...!” he gasps out, and Molly can’t help the satisfied purr that rumbles in his chest. He’s more than pleased with how responsive Caleb has become, and so quickly. Slowly, he begins to kiss back up the wizard’s thigh, approaching his wet and aching lips. Caleb rolls his hips slightly this time, urging the tiefling closer. “ _Please_ , Molly—“

It’s all the encouragement that Molly needs to hear. With another hot breath he opens his mouth and runs the flat of his tongue up Caleb’s entrance from bottom to top, delighting in his sharp flavor, before closing his lips around Caleb’s swollen clit and giving it a gentle suck. Caleb cries out in a desperate moan, his hips bucking toward’s Molly’s mouth so quickly it makes the tiefling chuckle. He pulls off the sensitive bud with a wet _pop!_ from his lips, grinning up at his wizard. Caleb is already panting, needy, with his mouth hanging open. “F-fuck, Molly, do that again.”

“Your wish is my command.” Molly purrs and repeats the action, but this time when he reaches the top he pulls back just slightly so that only the tip of his forked tongue brushes over Caleb’s clit this time. He gives the wizard’s hands a reassuring squeeze and looks up to meet his eyes as he carefully slots the delicate flesh between each prong of his tongue and pushes. The folds of Caleb’s hood slide back and he’s fully exposed now. Molly blows a gentle breath over him, chuckling delightedly at the way it makes Caleb shiver, then he is flexing his tongue and working Caleb’s clit from almost every angle at once.

The wizard nearly seizes with pleasure, his back arching dramatically on the bed as his grip on Molly’s hand tightens like a vice. His beautiful blue eyes are screwed tightly shut now and he gasps out a slew of curses that are nothing short of reverant. He knows he’s doing his job as he feels warm gushes of fluid start to hit his chin, Caleb’s desire increasing at least tenfold as he works. It makes him growl with delight and he pushed in closer, covering Caleb’s cunt with his mouth now as his tongue works it’s magic.

“Fuck, ahh, fuckfuck Molly holy— _scheisse_ , Molly—“ Caleb is whimpering and gasping, his thighs tensing to either side of Molly’s head. “Please,” he begs, chewing on his lower lip. “P-please, put... Need you... Fingers. Inside me. N-now.”

Molly’s tail flicks with delight and he wiggles one hand free from Caleb’s grip, readjusting the angle of his chin so that he can first press one, then two fingers into his lover’s hot, tight entrance. Caleb lets out a breathy moan in response as the tiefling hooks his fingers up and strokes at the spongy heat within, careful to use only the pads of his fingers so as not to poke with his claws.

Caleb makes a hicupping noise of appreciation, his chest heaving as Molly works. “C-close, Molly, I’m... Ah..!” He gasps out, and it only causes a posessive growl to rise in Molly’s throat. He pushes a third finger into Caleb’s cunt, using shallow thrusts to press up and into the wizard’s g-spot, sucking hard on his clit as he circles his forked tongue over and around it aggressively.

Caleb’s hips jerk again, and his thighs clamp tightly on Molly’s head before he suddenly cries out in ecstasy, his now free hand flying up to cover his mouth as his body is wracked with spasms. A hot jet of fluid pours into Molly’s mouth and he blinks in surprise, but keeps his fingers sunk deeply within his lover, letting Caleb clench around him as he rides his waves of pleasure.

Some of the fluid spills past his lips, but it tastes clean and faintly acidic, like a citrus fruit. Molly moans at the flavor and swallows down what he can before pulling off of Caleb’s clit, not wanting to overstimulate him. He sees more of the fluid running down his palm to his wrist, and he smiles at how it glistens. Oh, Caleb was so beautiful like this, gasping and dripping wet and utterly wrecked.

Finally, Caleb opens his eyes again and Molly carefully slides his fingers out. The wizard gasps softly at the loss, but Molly doesn’t hesitate to look him in the eye as he licks his fingers clean. “Darling, you are absolutely _decadent_ ,” he says with a wicked grin, and he delights in the way Caleb is blushing at him.

Caleb looks at the wetness on Molly’s chin, which leads his gaze to the dark patch soaking the sheets between his legs. “Ah... Did... Was that, my doing?” He stammered, quiet and breathless. Molly tilted his head and blinked up at him, an amused grin playing at the corner of his lips.

“Oh? Didn’t know you could do that?” Molly asks innocently, his tail flicking back and forth. His grin only widens further when Caleb shakes his head and he gives a satisfied hum. “Well! Happy to be of service~”

Caleb’s blush darkens and he finally lets go of Molly’s hand, his own fingers twisting the sheets self-consciously as he starts to close his legs. Molly makes a clucking sound with his tongue and covers Caleb’s hands with his. “None of that now, darling, it’s alright. You’re _gorgeous_ , Caleb, and I will not hesitate to tell you that every day,” he said, his tone even and firm but not commanding. “Now. I’m going to get you cleaned up, alright?”

Caleb nodded and took a slow, shakey breath to help calm his racing heart. Molly gives his hands a little squeeze before going to the washbasin, dipping the cloth there into the water before wringing it out and returning to his lover. He gently pushes Caleb’s knees apart again, and the wizard shivers as Molly kneels betwee his legs. But the tiefling puts no innuendo into his motion, simply placing soft kisses on Caleb’s knees as he wipes him clean with careful motions.

Molly stands when he finishes, and returns the cloth to the basin before coming to stand in front of Caleb, taking the wizard’s hands in his own. His cock was still half-hard, flagging to the side, but he paid it no mind— All of his attention was on Caleb and his comfort at that moment. “I know the bed is tiny, love, but would you like me to stay with you?” He asked with a polite smile.

Caleb nodded, and Molly leaned in to press another kiss to his forehead. Humidity be damned— The moment his wizard laid down, Molly was crawling on top of him, coat tossed aside as he settled on top of Caleb’s chest with a contented sigh. They lay in silence like that for a few minutes, but just when Molly thought that Caleb had fallen asleep, the wizard spoke.

“Mollymauk?” he called softly, his voice hesitant.

“Hmm?”

“... Thank you.”

The words were so quiet Molly barely heard them, but he sat up, his tail swishing gently over the top of the bed to wrap loosely around Caleb’s ankle. He shimmied up a bit and took Caleb’s face gently in his hands. “Of course. I care about you, Caleb Widogast. I love you.”

Silence passed between them, and for a minute Molly was worried he had overstepped his bounds... but then Caleb’s hands were on his as he surged up to capture the Tiefling’s lips in his own. It wasn’t hot or heavy, but it spoke volumes, just like the kisses they shared after that second nightmare. It spoke four words without a sound.

_”I love you, too.”_


End file.
